Today...was a good day. I had an interview which is wicked cool, in some respects. It beats Saturday though. Saturday I broke down. I called dude, I vented. I hate venting, to someone, on the phone. I have to start from the beginning though.
Saturday Morning:
Diana says she has things to do. The computer wasn't working, I was peeved. I decided I would go on a mad hunt to find the computer in the basement, that we had in storage. While doing that, it would be best to sort through boxes. It shouldn't have been a big thing, but...it was. I had gotten to this box containing my photo album. My life was not only packed in boxes, but it stopped at 15. I was 18 when I packed them. Nothing was even indicative of my being over 13, which was just depressing. I NEVER AGED. The pictures stopped at 15, but everything else...was the same.
Saturday Afternoon:
I cried, hard. I sat on top of a filing cabinet in a room with barely enough room to walk, and I cried. I cried because I went from 13 to 20, and growing up NOW and being so scared to do it. I cried because everything seemed easier. I cried because I wanted someone to hold me and say it would all be alright. So, I called him. He said everything would be alright, that I wasn't going crazy and it was just part of getting older. I nearly wanted to chuck something at him, because I would have been better equipped to hear I was nuts.
I've been doing these things a lot lately. I've been becoming WAAAY more emotional and it terrifies me. Maybe it's a good thing, but...I'm not sure. I guess that's it, I don't know, and THAT'S the most terrifying thing of all.
Today was a good day. Today I didn't freak out, or do anything totally irrational. Today, I've managed to form some semblance of the reality of adulthood and that it only gets worse from here. Today, I realized it's only worse if I MAKE it worse...and we'll see.
Comments (5)
I'm staring adulthood down myself, and I'm pretty fucking scared. But I knew it was bound to happen. Don't look behind you so much, and focus on what you haven't done. Try to make new goals for yourself. Even if they are just small steps.
@Auxesis - Thanks Ryan, you're right. Tomorrow is actually driver's permit day! Whooo! I'm not THAT excited, but it is something, which is good.
having some anxiety about becoming an adult is part of becoming an adult, you know.
@TheBigShowAtUD - Haha, thank you, I've heard that, but it does NOT make it easier.
well no... except to know that everyone goes through it. you'll be okaaaaayyyy.